How I really Feel

lagwagon-let-s-talk-about-feelings-cd
This week, I will take a risk by opening up and telling you what is going on in my head lately. As my departure date gets closer I am feeling pretty overwhelmed and unprepared. It seems like no matter how hard I try, I can’t get everything done. I am not training as much as I would like. The mapping is not yet complete. I do not have enough funds to see me through the end of this journey. And I am struggling to keep up with all of the emails, phone calls and details pertaining to the fundraising and logistics. My work has also been suffering and I am going completely broke. I try to tell myself that in order to do something huge like this, a person has to make sacrifices. But what if I fail? I feel like in the public eye, the only thing that matters is the world record. I am aware that a million different things that are completely out of my control could make the record impossible. An injury, a big storm, detours etc. The brunt of my stress, expenses and preparation for this trip all revolve around the stupid record. I have to get expensive GPS trackers and equipment and pre-plan and program the route into a computer. I have 9 documents to sift through that tell me what my requirements are for documentation and collecting notarized signatures along the way. I feel like I am collapsing. I am telling this to the world in hope of getting some helpful feedback. I am doing my best and I fear that my best will not be good enough. Thank you for listening to me. Next week I will resume being positive, but just this once I needed to come clean and pour my heart out for a minute. I will update the training log later..I am up to 116. Miles for this week but I will be going out for a second run this afternoon.

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About Jessica Goldman

An underdog runner
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10 Responses to How I really Feel

  1. trikatykid says:

    Since we’re sharing feelings, these are mine:

    – I think you should be sponsored by Garmin, meaning Garmin loans you all the GPS tracking equipment/maps you need. And they share your journey along the way.
    – Do you have a GoFundMe account? Or a fundraising account? I know you’ve mentioned that you’re raising money for Traumatic Brain Injuries but I don’t know where to donate money.
    – What do you need? How can I help? “I” being someone who does not have a lot of money to give but may be able to contribute in some other way.
    – Create a “need” list, a “want” list, a “back up” list, a “worry” list. Let us publicly brainstorm and pick through it with you.
    – Don’t worry about failing. You will have obstacles you can’t avoid.
    – If you fell off the record, would you quit, or would you keep going? If you would quit, then I wouldn’t embark. If you would keep going, then keep going with the prep.

    Know that you have a lot of support! I didn’t know you were so overwhelmed, so I am glad you shared.

    • Thank you, although I will be using some Garmin stuff.I just bought the navigation mapping program and have an etrex 20 on the way as well as a GPS watch, they do not have a live map tracking program so I need to get that equipment and subscription from Spot. Where I will come up short is on money for lodging and covering my rent and expenses while I am away. And thank you for your offer. If I can get to a point where I have enough free time to set up a go fund me page it might be a good idea. Right now I just have the “support this project” page on the blog which gives people my email address if they want to sponsor me and the webpage for the Brain Injury Association. I wish I could delegate some of my responsibilities out but usually it would take me the same amount of time to explain it to someone as it would to just do it myself. Thus the struggle. I will not give up if the record is no longer obtainable. My goal is to run across the US. I will keep on truckin. πŸ™‚

      • trikatykid says:

        I’d be happy to set up the page for you, if that helps! I can post it to my blog, and to my Facebook page as well, where I have almost 1,000 followers (blog) and 300 followers (page). Let me know if I can do that for you!

  2. That would be great! But wouldn’t I need to do that myself because it would require my email passwords and banking info? I do not know much about it. I know that my friend Jeremy Schaefer has been using that to raise money for his trip as he travels.

  3. Jess, if you are ready to set up a go fund me type page, I’ll help and get help on how to “push” it, keep it at the top of pages. I still think it would be awesome if we could find a way to do it without the fund page getting part of your money. How about instead of a donation you ask Chinburg to comp you your office space forApril, May and June? Have you asked your landlord if they’d be willing to give you a break on your rent instead of a donation? What they get for their donation is to follow you across the country for 64 days. Way cheaper than a super bowl ticket which only lasts a few hours! So what if everyone you knew and everyone they knew each donated $5….you could have food, lodging and a place to come home to!!

  4. Hey Jessica. I had all the same worries you had. I didn’t have enough money. I didn’t feel I was training enough I was running up to 150 weekly). I didn’t even have a jogger stroller until the day I set my feet on the SC shore. I was completely unprepared and unaware of the learning experience that was ahead of me. Since SC I’ve witnessed random acts of kindness that blow my mind. Times when I had absolutely nothing, and complete strangers were there. Just raise enough money to get here, and the support will come, I cant wait to support you πŸ™‚ There’s a beauty about this adventure were both encountering. Its going to put us in situations where we don’t know, and cant prepare. I have no doubt however that you will show us all what overcoming these obstacles requires. And when its all done and over, we can sit together somewhere in New England and talk about how amazing it all was. I hope you the best friend!! Your support of me has been amazing!! Keep your chin up, and just get out here, the rest will follow πŸ™‚

  5. Heidi T says:

    Let me know when you have a page set up and I will happily donate!!! So inspired! Keep strong and positive, it’ll all fall into place πŸ™‚

  6. Glenn says:

    Thank you for being vulnerable, open and honest. While I am uncertain how I can be the best of service at this time I will think on it.
    Please know that doubts and insecurities trouble me daily but that reading your posts here and elsewhere help to eschew the negative feelings that could otherwise have my motivation and confidence packed and ready to leave at a moments notice.
    I cannot imagine the pressure that you must feel but you know how to give yourself over to positve thoughts and it is those that I wish for you now.

    • Thank you! It is a big roller coaster ride. Such is life I guess. It seems like day I am completely falling apart and the next day I am feeling like a boss. Knowing that there are people out there who care is really what holds me together πŸ™‚

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